Find the funny quotes you want on this page or please view the following pages for more
funny quotes resources.
funny
quotes
8
"When you cook it should be an act of
love. To put a frozen bag in the microwave for your child is an act
of hate."
Top chef Raymond Blanc
"It's OK for him to pounce about
in the kitchen spending hours cooking, but I bet he doesn't have to
juggle picking up the kids from school and running a house."
An un-named mother's response to M. Blanc
"When you are courting a nice
girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a
second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
Albert Einstein
"Some people say that I must be
a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young
boy -- in a jar on my desk."
Stephen King
"Clothes make the man. Naked
people have little or no influence on society."
Mark Twain
"Maybe
there is no actual place called hell.
Maybe hell is just having to listen to
our grandparents breathe through their
noses when they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carrey
"Some mornings, it's just not worth
chewing through the leather straps."
Emo Philips
"I'm
desperately trying to figure out why
kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
Dave Edison
"Did
you ever walk in a room and forget why
you walked in? I think that's how dogs
spend their lives."
Sue Murphy
"Now
they show you how detergents take out
bloodstains, a pretty violent image
there. I think if you've got a T-shirt
with a bloodstain all over it, maybe
laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Maybe you should get rid of the body
before you do the wash."
Jerry Seinfeld
"A
sure cure for seasickness is to sit
under a tree."
Spike Milligan
"Why
don't they make the whole plane out of
that black box stuff."
Steven Wright
Quotes are a great way to motivate
yourself or others. When we use quotes in our dialogue or in
presentations we show people that we have learned from the wisdom of
others and that we believe in what we are saying. We're not just sharing
our opinion, it is how other's feel as well. So keep the wisdom of the
past alive and recite some funny quotes today.
